We got back from our first u/s about an hour ago. The midwife didn't find a heartbeat, or a sack. There was a small fetus, which is measuring only 6 weeks. It's a strange thing to slowly watch your worst nightmare come true, as cliche as that sounds. I am still in shock. I can't believe it's happening again. I have been feeling so pregnant, and as I said that to the midwife, she replied, "it's because you were."
I'm going back in on Monday to have another u/s to make sure, and then will have to decide if I want a D&C, or if I want to take something to miscarry at home. I'm not sure which option I'm going to choose. I guess I have the weekend to decide, if I don't start bleeding before then. Do you all have any plus/minuses for either?
I don't want to do anything. I want to die. I want to change my name, fly to Bali, and never return. I can't believe I have to go through all of this again.
12 years ago
Oh Libberal, I am so so sorry. I will be thinking about you as you await your next ultrasound and make decisions about your next steps. Surround yourself with as much support as you can possibly get.
ReplyDeleteOh f..k. Libberal, I am so, so sorry. Sorry doesn't even begin to say it. I can only imagine how awful and crazy this must feel, how senseless. I have no advice to give, but am sending you all the love I can.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteLibberal - I'm so incredible sorry you're having to deal with this all over again. I can't imagine the pain you're experiencing. Take care of yourself and each other. Thinking of you and sending love.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I am so sorry. I am just shocked. Sending you guys all my very best wishes. I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with this again.
ReplyDelete:( ... I am so so sorry.
ReplyDeleteOh Libberal. I am so sorry. I send you my deepest sympathy. There are no words.
ReplyDeleteFucking hell. I can't believe it. I'm so incredibly sorry. I'm just so incredibly sorry you have to go through this again. Please let us know if there is anything we can do. Sending you love.
ReplyDeleteSooo sorry to hear this news :( My thoughts are with you and your family....
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry! I was shocked to read this. My heart goes out to you both. Lots of love to you both
ReplyDeleteoh - so so sad to hear this. Sending huge virtual gentle hugs. Hang in there. xxxh
ReplyDeletethere is nothing that i can say to make you feel better. Sorry that you are going through this.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you're going through this.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss and the decisions you must make.
ReplyDeleteOh Libby, it IS the worst nightmare of all, take time this weekend to sit with the sadness and the loss and then hopefully they can give you some good advice about next steps.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, and so disappointed for you guys, not that any words can make it easier. We had an early, similar scare so I have some idea what you are feeling.
No, no, no. I'm so sorry - sorry doesn't even cover it, actually. I'm heartbroken for you guys. Thinking of you so much as you navigate this.
ReplyDeleteOh no, I am so very sorry. There are no words - just know we are sending you support to get through this.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. It's not enough, but at least you know there is someone else keeping you in their thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThat is fucking horrible-there is no other way to put it. I'm so so sorry, L, for all of it. Definitely know you are in my thoughts and I'm sending you lots of love. Please let me know if I can do anything at all...
ReplyDeletei don't know what to say, or if there's really anything to say.
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry, lib. you're making me cry all over again, and this time it's for the hell that you must be going through.
*hugs and love to you and chefy*
woah. this is terrible and ridiculous. like, seriously . . .
ReplyDeletestill thinking of you and wanted to let you know that .... Just frustrating ...:(
ReplyDeleteOh, Libby, NO! I am just devastated to hear this terrible news. It is so incredibly unfair. I can't imagine the grief you must be feeling right now. Please know that I'm thinking about you and wishing there were more I could do (if there is, please let me know). For now, I'm sending lots of virtual hugs to you & curses at the universe on your behalf.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI've experienced both a natural miscarriage (at 6 weeks) and a D&C (at 10.5 weeks). In my own PERSONAL experience, the D&C was less painful. The natural miscarriage included labor-like contractions, even so early on. It was awful. That being said, we don't have insurance right now, so the D&C ended up costing an exorbitant amount of money. With coverage, though, I would take the D&C every single time.
Hugs,
Jo
I am sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI had the choice of D&C or natural. I choose D&C I just couldn't do it mentally or physically naturally. I am so glad I did I was already such a mess during the D&C I can't imagine my state of mind if I did it naturally.
Oh no, no, no! Oh god Lib, I wish I had read this sooner although I am crushed to read it at all. I had a missed m/c at 6 weeks that I didn't find out about until 8 weeks. I know we don't know each other really well but if you want to chat I am here and would be happy to listen. You can find my email in your comments.
ReplyDeleteSending love, peace and strength to you.
I am so sorry, Lib. I was out of town for this terrible news, but you are in my heart. I hope you & Chefy have some time to heal from this loss. Definitely take the time you need... blogland will be here for you when you get back.
ReplyDeletehugs,
K