New Mew

So for Christmas, Chefy and I decided to go to the pound with PooMan and pick out a kitten-one that is more outgoing than our current cat, Tallulah. Tallulah, while I'm sure she loves her some PooMan, never goes near the very energetic 8-yr old. So this cat we thought, should have a bit less inhibition. Well oh boy did we ever get a cat with less inhibition. This cat is ready to play ALL THE TIME. After arriving home from a veeeerrrry busy day at work (the holidays at the restaurant are insane,) I find the cat has managed to scale about five feet up the closet shelves and in the process has broken umpteen thing that live on said shelves. He is one energetic kitten alright. Now we're not sure what to do. Talullah is definetely NOT a fan of the kitten (although its only been 4 days,) and we're not sure we have enough time to give this kitten the attention he needs. As sad as it seems, I don't think we'll be able to keep him. Boo. I wish this post were a bit more lovely, but that's where we are. Not much happening in TTC land, still twidling the 'ol thumbs and keeping track of my cycle.
The holidays have not been as chill as I had expected. Chefy and I enjoyed a Christmas Eve Gospel choir show, Christmas blowout with the PooMan, new kitten, Christmas day meal with 10 friends, and then restaurant staff holiday party on the 26th. These events all happen in addition to the restaurant being extremely busy. So while not the relaxed holiday I was hoping, it has all been enjoyed in good holiday cheer.
I have been enjoying everything I've been reading out here in TTCblogosphere, with births, BFPs and whatnot!
 Oh! And in baking news, I have managed to bake two beautiful loaves of Challah. They were gorgeous and tasty to boot! Now onto brioche!

Lo Fi

Fertility News:
- Big O on CD 15-16 w/ a 28 day cycle? Check. (Took me a few months to figure this out).
- Changed diet to include rainbow of colors each day? Check. (Even Chefy's into it.)
- Taking temp every am and closely observing CM each day? Check.
- Still off caffeine? Check.
- Scheduled appointment for pre-baby tests and bloodwork? Check.
- Narrowed down donors to 3 with Chefy? Almost check. (Give that one another week.)
- Taking prenats, fish oil and flaxseed each day for two months? Check. 
- Pre-baby list? Check.
- Patiently twidling thumbs while waiting another two months? Check. (boo.)


IRL News:

- Almost over strange post-wedding emotional funk? Check.
- Exercising every day? Nooooo Check. Am lazy and not working out. Big Boo.
- Prepared for a low-key holiday with PooMan, Chefy and some close friends? Check.
- Feeling like Feb 2010 will never get here? Check.
- Obsessing due to too much free time? Check.

I seriously need to get a hobby. I've decided it's going to be baking. How Suzy homeaker of me! My mother is an incredible baker, and she's sent me the recipe to her amazing Challa bread, which I shall intensely and passionately try to recreate this coming week. Wish me luck! And send me other hobby ideas that don't involve computers or food!

Cheers everyone, and happy holidays!

New Post

It's cold here. Chillingly cold for us. Brr. I am holiday shopping, dealing with family issues (isn't that what the holidays are about?!), and thinking about the two short months that separate Chefy and I from that initial IUI. This morning in bed we talked about starting what she called a "Pre-Baby List," compromised of things we need to get done before that first round. Being very much a Virgo, I can tell that she's getting into baby mode in her own very planned and organized way. (yes!) Last night was the holiday party for our building. It was fun...a total random assortment of totally weird people dancing, eating, and getting just a wee bit tipsy. There was a young dyke-ish looking couple who were watching a little girl. They were adorable and made my heart all warm and fuzzy. That combined with having lunch with an old friend who is currently 37 weeks with her first, has made me just feel more secure and excited about having a child. Helltotheyeah.

An Answer

No more search for the elusive retired donor..

While on a layover in LAX on our way to New Orleans last Tuesday, Chefy got a call from Cally Cy.ro Bank and spoke with the lovely customer service lady whose been helping us try to locate PooMan's donor. It seems like the suits in her office are only initiating donor re-entry into their program for full siblings. Since this search would result in only a half sibiling for PooMan, our request to begin the search for the donor got denied.

Chefy mentioned this briefly after we were comfortably sitting in the plane, on our way to NOLA. I didn't say anything at first, just to give her a chance to respond. She sounded relieved and ok with the decision, which was comforting. I'm fine with it as well. It's good and bad news. Our baby will be of no biological relation to PooMan, but we will not be lost in donor limbo that I was dreading for the next year. This means that we will be able to begin officially in Feb. 2010!!! I can't wait. Chefy seems settled with the idea of finding a donor together that we are both happy with, even if it isn't PooMan's. She was even saying how excited she is to have a baby with me last night, and that she's fully ready. So cute.

So..this answer gives us a timeline and a starting date. I'm thrilled. Now I only have to make it another three months until we can start! I am going to write a looong list of new years' resolutions to distract myself.

In other news, I have been feeling totally allergic to the world and myself even. You know when you have those days when you feel like an alien has taken over your body and you no longer recognize youreself? I had one of those days today...
Thank goodness that I have a very patient and loving wife who took care of my crazy ass all day long. Grateful sigh.
Oh yes and in Thanksgiving news, Chefy, PooMan and I visited Chefy's family in NOLA. It was a little stressful, but they are crazy and great and are totally loving towards me, (which is a big deal for their family..) so we all had a great time and ate lots of Fillipino/Southern/Traditional American T-Day food. It was great, and I am completely thankful that my new family is so suprizingly lovely.

Mememe too.

So thanks to this new mama for tagging me on this post. Here's my version. And yes, a stack of pancakes sounds delicious. If this is boring, it is only because I am a bad writer. My life is full of adventure, mystery, and excitement. ;)

Oh! And I want to tag J and D on this one, I would love to read more of ya'll answers!

Okay here goes.
1. What is the color of your toothbrush? I'm not sure. I think blue and white. It's big and soft, just the qualities I look for in toothbrushes and pillows.
2. Name one person who made you smile today. Chefy made me laugh, but does that count? Not sure if I remember just smiling. Reminder to self- smile more.
3. What were you doing at 8am this morning? Watching hungry and eager customers pour into our restaurant. I then got them all coffee. A lot of it.
4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Writing the very last of the thank you card from the wedding. Yipee it's over!!!!
5. What is your favorite candy bar? Oooooooh candy. Yuuuuummmm candy. If I let myself, I could eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup every hour on the hour. Wouldn't life be grand if that was reality?
6. Have you been to a strip club? Yesindeedy. First one I went to was with my first girlfriend, 10 years ago in New Orleans. We spent a lot of money we didn't have and had a great time.
7. What is the last thing you said out loud? It is? (in response to Chefy telling me that the huge poinsetta plant we got from our hilarious older Chinese neighbor-lady is bleeding milk). Do poinsettas bleed milk? I think my wife is loca.
8. What is your favorite ice cream? Coffee. Also coffee is my favorite beverage. Well, besides white wine.
9. What is the last thing you had to drink? Wait, I'm getting up right now to pour myself a glass of champange. That will make the answer to this question way more interesting.
10. Do you like your wallet? What kind of question is this? Weird. But yes, I do. It's a black leather envelope.
11. What is the last thing you ate? After service our sous chef made us all yummy fettucini with mushrooms, chicken, bacon, herbs and tomatoes in a cream sauce that was spicy and kind of smokey. All our servers who are trying to loose weight couldn't resist and had a huge bowl each.
12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Sadly....no. :( I am a clothes whore. Whore for clothes. BUT. We are now poor because we decided to get married. So no clothes for me. It was worth it though.
13.The last sporting event you watched? US Open, at friends' house watching that 17 yr-old whoop some old tennis lady ass.
14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Again, strange. Um, I like the popcorn that tastes like...popcorn.
15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? Lemmme look. Oh, my fab fag friend Stephen and I have been sending each other funny texts about him pussy-sitting our feline while we're in NOLA for Turkey day. I think he just likes to say the word pussy.
16. Ever go camping? Sure. Not with the family when I was little but with high school friends, girlfriends, Chefy. My first gf was a crazy outdoors person. She made me spend 10 days in the Boundry Waters once. Last time Chefy and I went was two years ago...
17. Do you take vitamins daily? Yup. TJ's prenats, Flaxseed, Fish Oil, and Bee Pollen. Why and I capitalizing everything? Must be the champagne..
18. Do you go to church every Sunday? Haven't done that since they made me go for confirmation.
19. Do you have a tan? A wee bit leftover from the wedding.
20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Have to go with thebao's answer on this one. The generalization of Chinese food category leaves it hard to answer. I should just say pizza then.
21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? Hm..don't drink soda. Sometimes I drink mineral water with a straw. Thrilling, I know.
22. What did you last text message say? How bout 6ish
23. What are you doing tomorrow? In this order; bank, restaurant, laundry, cleaning house, packing, grocery run, packing again, sleeping.
24. Favorite color? Red.
25. Look to your left, what do you see? Antique-style radio on which I listen to NPR, checking account statement for the restaurant, USB port, Jonathan Adler giftbox containing nothing, a mini pumpkin, a picture of the PooMan stirring dry ice, "how to cook everything" by Mark Bittman, about 500 other cookbooks, some pretty chinese soup bowls...
26. What color is your watch? I own one my mother bought for me that I wore the semester I taught a college class. It's silver.
27. What do you think of when you hear "Austrailia?" I think of the book by Bill Bryson about Austraila, where he talks about the southeast coast where there are the oldest living organisms on the planet. Fascinating. I have also been to Australia myself, but this is what I think of..weird.
28. Would you strip for money? This would depend on how much I needed the money..
29. Do you go to a fast food place or just hit the drivethru? Haven't done this in a couple years, but would probably just drivethru if I did.
30. What is your favorite number? Probably 3. Or 11.
31. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone? I called one of my servers this morning at 8:45, wondering if she was planning on coming into work. She was sleeping. This was weird b/c she is always on time.
32. Any plans today? Well, tonight I will be finishing this totally long list of questions and then follow my wife around the house. Just kidding. I don't know, probably not much.
33. In how many states have you lived? 4: Iowa, Oregon, Washington, and California
34. Biggest annoyance right now? P, our server who is young and flirts with everyone, even at my wife in front of me. She's lovely, but young and doesn't really get those boundaries yet.
35. Last song listened to? Signed, sealed and delivered by Stevie Wonder
36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? I would beg the question why?
37. Do you have a maid service clean your house? Once I did, right before the wedding when we were crazy busy. Not a bad idea, though, cuz I'm not the best on staying on top of it. Although please refer to question #23.
38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Lately black and white lizard skin flats.
39. Are you jealous of anyone? All those straight women with free access to fresh sperm 24/7.
40. Is anyone jealous of you? I would have to go with yes on this one also.
41. Do you love anyone? Totally. Yessiree.
42. Do any of your friends have children? Not immediate friends, but aquaintences.
43. What do you usually do during the day? Daily accounting and errands for our business, buying groceries, paying bills, working on the floor if it's Friday or Sunday, misc that needs to be done, etc..
44. Do you hate anyone you know right now? Nope.
45. Do you use the word hello daily? Um...yes.
46. What color is your car? Silver. And really it's less like a car and more like a large grocery cart.
47. What size wedding ring do you wear? I think it's a 6.
48. Are you thinking of someone right now? My wife, who is now pulling a melted burned plastic something out of the dishwasher. Smoke. Ick.
49. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Nope.
50. When is this list over? JK....How did you get your worst scar? 6 yrs old, Dad tickling me (my family are ticklers,) hit mouth against window ledge. Also have a big scar right on my blutious from riding a horse too long with a rip in my pants..

Done! Finally! Now I know you are so intriqued and fascinated by my answers. I am going to really start drinking now. Tallyho!

Yahoooooooo!

DISCLAIMER: This post contains much giddiness. Be forewarned.

So I had the first OB appointment this morning and let me tell you folks it was AMAZING. I'm not kidding. It was so much more lovely and exciting and fabulous than I ever expected. Can I please please tell you the details because I am so excited I'm having a hard time sitting still.....

So I chose this OB cuz as I've mentioned previously, she came recommended and she's a regular in our restaurant. I haven't officially introduced myself to her, but as soon as she walked in the examining room, she's all.."I know you!" which totally put me at ease right away. I came right out and told her that Chefy and I are going to start trying, and she was immediately totally excited (she's a dyke with a wife and two kids herself.) We had a great conversation about tests to take and when to take them, she counseled me on the insurance issue, sperm issues, and we discussed IUI's at her office. We talked cycles, supplements, and timing, all in great detail. She referred to me as a "spring chicken" as far as fertility, which I took as a compliment and thought was totally hokey and sweet. She was very optimistic about me getting pregnant and kept talking about how exciting the process is going to be. Seriously. Keeper.

And the ultimate kicker? During the appointment, she mentioned a midwife that works in her office that Chefy and I know! At the end of the appointment as she was escorting me to the receptionist to schedule a next appointment, she walked by said midwifes office so I could go in a say hi. This midwife had *just* been at our wedding and has known Chefy for about 15 years. She gave me a huge hug and they both stood there and told me how excited they are for me and that if I ever wanted to talk to them, I could just come to their office! How kizmet is this!?? I was walking on clouds as I exited that office. It was awesome.

So of course I headed straight to the restaurant to tell Chefy. What are the chances that we find an OB who loves our restaurant, who is a married lesbian mom, and who works with a midwife who is a long-time friend? We had no idea our midwife friend worked at this office! What an amazing coincidence! It was an awesome appointment and it made me feel like this whole thing is meant to happen.

Something karmic is going on right now, in a good way. Yesterday Chefy and I had an appointment at the DMV. We all know what hell that place can be. BUT. We walked out about 30 minutes later with new plates we thought we would have to wait for in the mail, and they were only $20! Totally good stuff.

Anyway, I am going to try and go calm down now. And call my mother. Cheers!

I love Pink!

So first off, thanks for all those great comments from you ladies about the donor debacle I've been going through- your insight helps me just to digest this process and understand the realities of what I'm getting myself (ourselves) into. So thanks. A lot. Mucho.

I am currently on CD20 for this cycle, and for the first time, it seems that I have NOT ovulated on CD19, but instead, CD14! Good 'ol FF gave me a CD 14 ovulation date this time, which made me feel great about being more "normal" as it were (why I use this word, I don't know. Really I hate this word). If they're right, that makes me CD14 with a 28 day cycle. Yay! If they're wrong (which I have a teeeensly feeling they are,) then who the hell knows! I love reading the posts from those of you who have discontinued your memberships and thrown away your thermometers. I'm almost there myself. Sigh.

Also, my OPK gave me a positive on CD15?!?!?! Hmmmm. Here's a pic:

 

These have been lying around for five days and have faded just a wee bit, but the day-of, that CD15 was dark. It made me *very* happy. Oh and I'm a dolt for writng DPO, I really meant CD. Oops.

So this cycle has surprised me in a good way. Hopefully I can keep this up!

In donor news, Chefy and I have been having some good talks, and have decided that while we're going forward with finding PooMan's donor, we are realistic that it is a Long Shot, and that come February we will reconsider where we are at and how we want to proceed. This has also put a little step back in my step, as I know that she is not entirely hellbent on finding the original donor and that our options are open as far as donors, timing, etc. Gives me hope, ya  know? Gotta love negotiation.

On another exciting note, tomorrow morning is my first appt. with the OB that has been strongly recommended to me (and consequently is a regular at our restaurant). I'm stoked to have a lot of test and bloodwork done and to get the process started with her. If any of you want to offer up any last-minute advice this evening on first doctor visits, feel free to fling 'em my way.

Dos Semanas en Picturas

To relieve myself the stress that being in limbo is causing me, and to distract my mind from aforementioned donor un-knowingness, I am posting merely for my own pleasure, just to relive the last couple of weeks, which have been strangely unsettling and also totally fabulous, in their own ways. Here they are in pictures.

My lovely wife at Hubert Keller's Burger Bar in Macy's, Union Square. This was a birthday lunch for moi. Yumm..

Right after Burger Bar, complete with free birthday sundae.

 

My b-day gift was surfing lessons! We got pounded by that ocean, but it was awesome.

With friends for joint birthday party. We drank some delicious scotch.

And finally, for dinner tonight we had PooMan's favorite korean soup, made lovingly by Chefy. It was amazing. Love being married to a chef.

Limbo lower now...

Did any of you all out there play the limbo stick game at the roller rink when you were little? Am I completely dating myself? Who cares, I loved me some roller rink and some limbo when I was young. Anyway, my obvious choice of metaphor here leaves me feeling a lot less like pulling on a pair of ugly brown rental skates and more like pulling a blanket over my head and disapearing for eternity. For months I have been so excited to get started inseminating in January of 2010, and now the whole situation just seems like I'm in..well...limbo.

I've taken the advice of you lovely internets and have searched the sibling donor registry and have come up with nada. The donor used for PooMan is not on any registry, and Cally Cy.rob.ank. has told us that they've checked for available samples from previous purchasers and of course their are none. This whole thing is leaving me feeling despondent. Instead of being focused and excited on starting this process in two months, now I have no idea what's going to happen with timeline, with donor,  etc... it's frustrating.

I guess that's why I haven't been posting as much. It's completely so un-fun to bitch online, but if that's all you're feeling, it's hard not to go there. I know I need to have patience with myself, with Chefy, with the process. It's just a matter of time before this all happens, that's all.

In fact, writing this had made me feel a little better. Maybe I should try to find a rink around here that does a limbo game and take PooMan. Strap on those skates, mister.

Dear Maine,

Fuck You. That's all.

Apparently...the only constant is.....

Change. Yes, again a change of plans for the Chefy/libberal household over here in the city (which is just beautiful today, btw.)

I've been postponing writing this post (ha!), as I've been going through some mixed emotions about what may transpire with the new direction our baby-making process is taking. But I digress.. please let me explain.

Last week Chefy decided to call the big sperm factory to see if they would release PooMan's donor details. Her ex was the one eight years ago who dealt with most of the deets of the donor. We weren't sure if the big bank would give us the donor with just the ex's name to use as a clue. But Lo and Behold, the sperm factory quickly confirmed the donor and gave us his number! We had absolutely no idea that it would be this easy, that the bank would just hand that information right over to us, even though Chefy's name was not on her ex's file. Weird!

So. That obviously is big news. Now not only do we know exactly who PooMan's donor is, but we (of cousrse for lots o' extra cash,) can have him tracked down, tested, and re-donoate! Yahhooooo!!! This is the good news.

The not so great part of this involves a lot of ifs. Bear with me here folks. First if is if donor can be located. Second if is if donor will want to donate. Third if is if donor passes all safety checks via the bank. Fourth if is if his sperm is still as swimmer-y as it was eight years ago. Fifth if is...wait. I'm getting ahead of myself. The other shitty part of this news which initially upset me because I am an incredibly impatient person and I wanted to get pregnant Yesterday  is that if donor wants to re-donate, we will have to wait SIX MONTHS for his jizz to be quarantined. POOP! Six months sucks because it is four months longer than I wanted to wait. Boo.

So all that confounding information aside, my feelings regarding this change of events has left me feeling sad that I'l have to wait longer (maybe,) but completely excited that PooMan will possibly have a biological sibling. Chefy also brings up the very great point that we will have a bit more time to enjoy our married lives before bringing a baby into the picture, and I totally agree.


So right now I'm just sitting with a lot of ifs. I'm living in if land. The land of ifs. Ifville. And apparently I'm also losing my mind ;)

Le Change of Plans

Chefy, my parents and I had been planning on a two-week late January trip to the Phillipines next year. As of a few weeks ago, these plans seem to be kind of out of the question, according to the %80 of Manila that is under water. Our timing is horrible, and after talking with my folks last night, we cancelled the trip. :(. My heart goes out to all of those affected by the typhoons.

As Chefy and I are planning on beginning to inseminate that month (not sure how we were going to work that out logistically, good one, Libby), we now obviously have more flexibility in our timing for try #1. That makes me happy. So out of this bad news comes some good. Chefy and I are going back and forth on how we want to start out;  ICI or an IUI. I say do a couple at home and see how it goes, she is more of the "why waste our time, go straight to the professionals" variety. So I'm fishing for some advice on this one. Does anyone have any recommendations or thoughts on starting off with either choice? Pros, cons, opinions?

DtotheCaffe

I've been so good. And so bad.

A full week after returning home from Paris, I have yet to get my *ss in gear and get back to my regular work schedule. I have been the queer queen of procrastination for the last few days, and I am beginning to attribute this to my new-found decaffeinated state. It's true. I'm so lazy I'm blaming my coffee for my ineptitude.

To explain. Upon arrival home to San Farisco (as we loveingly refer to her), I did my dudiligence with caffeine and wine. Well...really just caffeine (can't lie about wine as I am currently sipping on leftover white from the wedding.) I gave the morning shock treatment up completely, switching instead to fer.til.ity tea and/or decaf. And I have to tell you that (very) surprizingly, it's been totally fine. Really. I apparently do not need to pump my system full of natural uppers every morning in order to get through my TODO list. That being said, I also have temporarily turned into a house cat. All I want to do is lay around and lounge all day. It's sad, especially because its true. Okay, but also the other important thing to mention is that I have wicked allergies right now that are totally freaky and gross. Mucus is not my friend, in fact he has tried to choke me a couple of times already this week.

Anyway, that's all. I have accomplished giving up caffeine in all its' assorted forms, and instead have traded liquid drug of choice with one of the seven deadly sins. I need to turn this ship around, and quick. I write this simply to motivate myself, not to illicit any kind of sympathy or compasion. This post is really just to acknowlege my own process and to kick myself in the bootie a bit.

What I have done is seriously started drinking that tea that leaves me feeling a wee bit strange at the end of a pot, made a doctor's appointment with an OBGYN who has delivered two of my friends chittlins, and am making sure I'm not skipping days on those freakishly large pre-natal pills (ick.) So, it's not all bad.

Paris!

So we had a lovely time in Paris. We ate a lot of rich, fatty food and drank lots of dry white wines and consumed our weight in croissants. Yum. Here are some pics just for fun. From top to bottom are: Notre Dame, visiting Gurtrude and Alice's house, farmers market, Louvre, sexy door (and wife).

Pregunta.

I've tried for months to add my blog to the list of TTC blogs at lesbianfamily.org, but with no sucess. When they ask you to login to make a comment on the page of TTC blogs, the only login available is a WP login, which if you ask me is just discriminitory towards us EBloggers (or WTH we're called) on google. Does anyone have any sage wisdom for a computer-illiterate lesbian who is trying with all her might to post her blog on that list? Sigh. And thanks.

Wedding (or Oh Lordy thank god it's over)

So here's the story. Chefy and I got (legally) married last Halloween by our good friend and the state of California. As Chefy had proposed to me only the month previous, we wanted to have a real engagement, so our "real" wedding was 11 days ago, in San Francisco. The entire day was wonderful. We had about 135 guests out to the chapel on a windy hill here in SF, a champagne toast from my father in an adjacent community garden, and then dinner, toasts, drag queens and dancing back downtown. It was a beautiful, elegant and fun affair which (I think) represented our fun spirit and love for each other. Here are just a couple pics snapped by a friend with my camera right before and after the ceremony. I will post more pics from the reception as I gather them, just for fun.

That being said, Chefy and I are thrilled that it's over! Now we get to get back to the business of our lives together. (Honeymoon in Paris post with pics also to come!)

And So It Begins

I'm picking up my mother from the airport in 30 minutes, which is to me the beginning of this whole wedding stuff. 3 days out from the wedding and let's see where we're at, shall we?

Wedding bands: check
Wedding vows: check
Wedding readings printed: check
Deposits paid: check
Designers/Caterers/Event planners on board: check

I could go on, but really I'm sure this is only interesting to me. I only have a few (and when I say few I mean 35ish) things on my list to take care of in the next 3 days, but I'm trying not to sweat the details at the very end. I'm trying to remind myself to STAY CALM, cuz I'm not your usual take-it-in-stride kinda lady. So. Deep breaths. In. Out. Keep it together, Libby.
I'll be out for a while with all these details, so next time I post I'll be hitched! (well, officially I already am, but this one is "the wedding" to me).
Wish me luck!

My first mobile post! Let's see if this thing works...

El Numero 19

It's true, 3 months in a row don't lie. CD19 is my day, ladies. My total cycle is 28 days, making my luteal phase only 9 days which is a wee short. Anyone else out there with a shorter luteal phase? Any suggestions/recommendations on how to deal with it? (patient sigh...)

In other news, it's only 11 days until the big wedding day. Amazing how I was never that little girl dreaming of a big wedding with a white dress, and funny how now I've become that bride. (I'm a bit jealous of this crafty lady for her eloping insight.) I've been finding that I'm asking myself the "how the hell did I get here?" question a lot. Marrying a woman..who knew!? Being a stepmom...never expected that! Shopping online for jizz (excuse my language)....how interesting! Getting married in a big wedding to someone 10 years my senior....what a pleasant surprise! I'm just going through a season of big changes...some unexpected. So far the surprises have been great. I'm understanding that my life has never and will never have a script. I have just been open to what comes....and here I am! How thrilling. I can't wait to add a wee one to this crazy mix.

Also, my fertilitea and OPK's came in the mail. Now all I have to do is quit drinking coffee and wine. Of course I am waiting until we get back from our honeymoon in Paris to do both of these. Today...indulgence! Three weeks from now the discipline begins! Wish me luck...

The Pinoy Gene

I love to shop. L-U-V it. I am elated that I live three blocks' walk to downtown Union Square to get my shop on whenever I feel the urge. In the past two months, my realm of usual shopping accoutrement began taking a distinct turn. A distinct sperm-turn, if you will. In the beginning, I would only casually cruise donor sites, just checking out catalogues, getting acquainted with the system of buying genes online, cruising profiles, getting my bearings, etc..

A couple of months ago though, I started getting serious. I logged in, started checking 3 to 4 donor sites a week, saving my advanced searches, reading staff's impressions, downloading stuff (ok, it may not seem that serious, but I have commitment issues.) Anyway, getting to the point- I am looking to find a Filipino donor. Chefy's 8yr old son by her ex-wife was from a full Filipino donor, and I want our little one to also be a 50/50 reflection of us, as well as her/his older bro. I would go to the ex to get the donor details, but we don't exactly have what you might call a "friendly" relationship. We are cordial and nice (especially when it comes to the PooMan), but asking her the details of the donor they used for PooMan is out of the realm of possibility.

Sooo...in my search of Filipino donors online, I have found a total of 4 full-blooded Pinoy (at CA Cryo.bank.) Apparently not much of a popular ethnicity as far as donating sperm goes. I'm a *little* annoyed that I have such limited choice options, but will deal. What I really curious about is if anyone else out there has run into this situation, especially concerning donors of a specific ethnicity. I would love to get some feedback on this, as I don't have anyone in my Re.al life to talk to this about.....

X.Saw.Schun.

Holiday weekends are always busy at our wee restaurant. We fed a record number of people this Saturday, and had lines and hour-plus the entire weekend. I'm not complaining about any of these facts (the best problem to have, really), just unwinding and still admiring my chefy for making food people are willing to stand in line for.
Last weekend I stood in my oldest friends wedding. It was a lovely quaint outdoor affair with 140 straight people whom chefy and I had the always-entertaining-and-almost-always-awkward marriage conversation with. We're getting married next month, but what does that mean? Is is legal? Can you two really get married? You already got married? (veerry confused face on straight white guy)..but so then you're really just having a party? Uuuuuugggh. These conversations could be fodder for a great comic rant on straight privledge and ignorance, but I'm too busy explaining legal precedent and judgement on gay marriage in CA to write that rant. Anyone interested? And needless to say that the guests at the wedding weren't simply the nicest and most genuine straight people, it just gets a bit tiring to have to explain your entire life to strangers ten times in one night. Okay, someone should call the whambulance, I'm done. Promise.

Oh, except for the fact that my sweetie was the only person of color there. That was awesome too. Yikes, look at me, I've become that cynical dyke, haven't I? Oh screw it. I am cynical. I love my friend and was thrilled to be a part of her wedding. So there.

Moving on.. I've found an OBGYN whom I want an appointment with. I've called her office a few times to get a quote for an un-insured intro exam, but no one seems to be able to answer that one. I'm paying cash for a lot of things these days, why not healthcare? Maybe I'll postpone it until after the wedding. Chefy and I spend all our free minutes scratching things off our wedding TODO list. Exciting, I know.

Sarting from Scratch

Chefy and I have only a wee bit of medical insurance. The deductibles are high and the payments low. We jokingly refer to it as our "get run over by a bus" insurance. Now that we are officially going to start this whole baby-making venture, we've been throwing around different insurance scenarios. Our biggest question mark is the fact that we own our own business, which has only just turned two years old. We have a great State Farm agent who takes care of our "death by bus" health insurance, but I feel like if we went to her to get a more cohesive coverage, we'll pay through the roof.
I've also looked a little bit into small business owner insurance companies, but am totally overwhelmed (and not in a good way) by that route. Another approach we've discussed is going straight to the source. We've thought that asking the hospital where we want to have the baby and where the RE we want to use, which kind of coverage will be the best fit with their system. My question is, does anyone else out there own a business and have their own coverage? Has anyone else begun TTC w/o coverage and gotten coverage specifically for this crazy journey? I'm a bit in the woods as far as this goes....

Cuz Pictures Make it Real

This is my wife (chefy) and I this summer at the hearing for Prop 8, outside the California State Building, San Francisco. Our picture was actually taken by an AP photographer and we were in the New York Times and Denver Post the following day, which was cool, but also kinda weird. I (the sole blogger) am on the right. My lovely wife is on the left. Aren't we just fucking adorable?






This is chefy and her 8 yr-old son, PooMan on our vacation this past June in Hawaii. He's just started the third grade and is totally into St.ar Wa.rs Le.gos, among other things. Awesome dude.












We own a restaurant, Chefy and I. Last weekend a Korean tourist came in with this guidebook, which our restaurant is featured in. We took a picture of the cover so we could buy the book later, but can't find it anywhere on the internet. Anyone speak Korean? (can you tell I'm trying not to give away too much?)





















So that's us in real time. We're a nice threesome, Chefy, PooMan and myself. I'm fine tuning my skills as a stepmom and enjoying my time with my lady. Let's hope soon PooMan will have a wee sibling he can play Le.gos with.

The Deets

So I've been a purhdy regular gal for some time now, not really paying attention to my exact cycle, but knowing my approximate times, how long AF would be around, the usual. So for some reason Ithought this charting thing would be a breeze. But that pesky website taunted and teased me my first month, first telling me that it was CD8, and then oh wait! no, we meant CD 19 that I ovulated. What a crock, I told myself. Until of course I realised that I was not taking my tempt at the same time every morning, not really sleeping well, drinking too much, skipping days, not really understanding my CM...all that jazz. So, I got my act together and this month I have followed all of their rules and it turns out that CD 19 has got my number. That pesky website apparently does know what the hell its talking about. So today is the day and I got a nice fat line on my OPK, reassuring me that 19 is my lucky number. My cycle is 28 days, so my luteal phase is a bit short, but nothing I'm going to get my panties twisted about. Why is this important? I guess since I've been charting, the discipline and attention paid to my body I've found to be rewarding I guess. I've always eaten fairly healthy and excersiced sometimes. I've never been overweight, and I'm not a smoker etc...., but since I've started charting, I've really enjoyed just having a visual reminder of the strange and fascinating changes happening in my body that have gone undetected and unappriciated for the last 31 years. What awesome creatures we are, and what crazy processes we generate and endure. Cool stuff.

Cherry Pickin

So the time has come where I get off the lesbian TTC bench and play. That's right, I am hauling my tired ass up to the plate, wrapping my hands around the bat and praying to the good lord that I can join other lesbiansonexstacy in their TTC, pregnancy and parenthood journeys.

I've been spending waaaaayyy too much time lurking around other TTC blogs and am at the point where I want to add to the community and not just feel like I'm a voyuer in it for the thrill...ya know?

That being said, I'll give ya'll an update. My sweet potato and I have been (legally) married since Nov. 08. We're having a ceremony and big family drag-out wedding in 8 (gasp!) weeks. We've been together for almost four years and are going to start the TTC proccess in Jan. 2010. The Sweet Potato (or Asian Cajun as she really wants to be called) has an eight yr-old son from a previous marriage. He's the best. And he wants a sibling. How can you argue with that logic?

In all seriousness, I'm excited to be a part of the community and begin this part of our lives. Here's to queer parenthood!