Unpredicatble times call for unpredictable....posts?

So not pregnant, these last two cycles.
In the interest of utilizing the 15 or so minutes of quiet I am allowed while my beautiful toddler eats her dinner (frozen berries, green beans and frozen dumplings...I know, I am no cook like my wife), I will bullet post this bad boy. The last two months have consisted of:

• Realizing how F*ED this process is, and completely forgetting what a roller coaster it can be. Chefy and I did not prepare ourselves for the onslaught that is TTC insanity. Not to be dramatic, but it's not been fun getting back into the swing of this try. 
• Me realizing how much more interested/excited I was the first time around. It was such a thrill to get to know my body better, to get into "baby mode" and the expectation of getting pregnant. Now, I just want another baby. I don't have nearly as much time or energy for that matter, this time around. I'm not dreading being pregnant again, but I'm not as excited for it either. I just want the baby. Impatient much, Libby?
• Two confusing non-successful cycles. I used exactly the same timing/drugs/sperm/tools/tricks as the the three other cycles I got pregnant, but no go. Both times. I even increased the vials to 4 (like we did when we got pregnant with Aurora), and no luck. My opk's are giving me the run-around. They used to turn positive the day I would ovulate. Now, it seems like I'm ovulating a day or two after I get a positive. Confusing, and expensive. Grrrrr..
• I'm taking the next month off (travel and parents visiting), and then onto the Big Fertility Clinic! Why not. I'm older, we have a little money, and like I said- I'm impatient. Plus, it would be great to do a medicated IUI cycle with a trigger shot. You people make me ovulate. I'm sick of trying to figure out when it happens myself. 
• Chefy and I are seeing this simply as a means to an end. Maybe that's why the last two cycles were busts. Maybe it's time for me to embrace the process of TTC again, instead of seeing it as an inconvenient hurdle. Also, I could take the time to reflect on being a parent of two little ones (not that I haven't been mulling that one over with extreme intensity). Still, I think its time I took a deep breath, realized I'm in on this roller coaster again, and there's nothing I can do but relax and hope for the best.

Thanks for listening.