What, me worry?

Apologies for the update delay (not that there are many of you to update :) But we've heard the heartbeat twice now. First ultrasound at 6w6d showed a hb of 120, with bean measuring 4-5 days behind (eep!). A call to my midwife reassured me that as long as it is within a week-don't worry! Ok. (Midwives, amazing how optimistic those gems are. A characteristic sorely missed at the fertility clinic where they are all "hmmmm....we'll see..." delivered darkly). Second ultrasound at 7w6d showed a hb of 150, with bean measuring 7w4d! Excellente! I got a little parting gift from my fertility clinic along with a lot of smiles and hugs. Cute.

As of today, I'm 8w3d. While symptoms still are like sneaky cats- now you feel them, now you don't- I have had a decent sprinkling of nausea, which has been uncomfortable, yet reassuring. I find I am no longer on pins and needles. In fact, I've made the executive decision to just not fucking worry anymore. What will be will be. If I loose this bean at 9 weeks, I will be fine. If I stay pregnant, I will also be just as fine.

As I'm typing this, I realize I am doing so simply to assuage my- that's right- worry. It's an endless hamster wheel of denial and anxiety, that emotion. At least for me ;)

So one day at a time, with a good fat dose of LESS WORRY.