Here we are.. waiting.

I have an ultrasound on Thursday, our fourth wedding anniversary. I'll be (supposedly) 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant. Let's hope.

I've been back and forth with symptoms. One day I'll feel a barrage of signs: dizziness, moody, very sore bbs, crazy backache, headache, cramps, lots of peeing, etc..., and the next couple of days the symptoms will lesson, only to come back for an hour or two every third day...or something. I'm in such a mind-funk thinking and wondering if I am actually carrying a small something in there, that I'm half gone ninety percent of the time. At least it feels like it. It's a strange emotional place- one where you can't remove yourself from your immediate physical awareness. It's exhausting, and overwhelming, and crazy all at once. The roller-coaster that is early pregnancy (and pregnancy in general), is one that I am not used to- even though I've been here 3 times previously.

The one thing that keeps my mind in a dark place is that I've not had hardly any morning sickness. I know this is not necessarily an indicator things are bad, but I know that when I was pregnant with Aurora, it was a reassuring (if not awful) symptom. I've felt a tich queasy off and on, but I chalk those moments up to being psychosomatic.

We will see what happens on Thursday. What a nice anniversary gift it would be if we hear a heartbeat. And what a trial we will most definitely survive if we do not.