Ever have those days where you feel like a 6 yr-old who just lost a Hungry Hippo game? The feeling just makes you want to throw your arms tight to your sides, open your mouth as wide as it can open, and scream like a banshee. This, not surprisingly, is how I'm feeling this morning after I woke up to a large temperature drop (see tab on right). Now, I know that this sign isn't the end all, but my temperature took a significant nosedive right before I miscarried, so the emotional impact that drop has on me is still fresh in my mind. I'm sure I will be able to deal with the disappointment of this cycle not working, I'm just not sure about how well I will deal with it. In fact, I don't think I'll be dealing with it well at all. There is no logical reason that this cycle shouldn't work out; the timing was good, the lining and my follie looked good, I've gotten almost pregnant with this donor before......
I guess I'm preparing myself for the fact that sometimes it just doesn't work. Added to that the building resentment I've been feeling about all the f*in work, money and energy we dykes have to invest in order to be successful at a process which comes naturally for so many others. I guess I'm feeling a little hopeless and pissed this morning. Maybe I should treat myself to a decaf latte and hope that takes the edge off. What?!?!?! Who have I become? Decaf latte? Oy vey.
12 years ago
It isn’t over till it is lady. On my one successful month, I had a large drop on CD9 and I continued to drop on CD10 then a progressive climb until those positive’s started rolling in.
ReplyDeleteThen my temp climbed to an even higher spot and stayed consistent. Then this last cycle... I had really high temps all month until CD13 (late for me!) and then a huge drop... So you just don't know!
That being said – I completely understand what type of reaction these temps can cause in us… Just remember so many things can impact that temp… Sometimes I even fear in the morning, while I’m waiting for it to read, that all my thoughts and early brain calculations are disrupting it’s reading … I'm thinking of you!
Boooo. I hope it does not mean what you think it means. I was hopeless when it came to temping, so I'm not good for any advice, though I'm going to take heart in DF's comment above...it ain't over til it's over!
ReplyDeletelol at the decaf latte.
ReplyDeleteas for your fear and anger, it's inevitable. this whole process is so damn hard for us!
the temperature dip could easily be an off day--even my perfect charts had one or two days that just didn't fit into the graph. but of course, we need to know and so we read meaning into everything.
i didn't believe everyone about this before, but i really am relieved not to be charting anymore. i obsess enough as it is, one less thing to obsess over is fine right now.
i really hope it works out for you this month!
Keep the faith!! It ain't over yet!! Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I definitely called it quits on both of my positive cycles before the fat lady sang. I am holding hope for you.
ReplyDeleteLaughing at the decaf latte thing - you enjoy it, lady. We were hopeless at temping too, never could get a straightforward chart - so here's hoping the temp drop is due to something else. Big hug, fingers crossed. I hear you on the frustration.
ReplyDeleteThese are the moments when I kick myself for not starting that out-of-state donut delivery service. Keeping my fingers crossed for you, ms L, and *f* that thermometer. xx
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