Two days later..

And I still haven't wrapped my head around the fact that this is real. I am feeling a lot of things; excited, anxious, elated, nervous and surprised as hell, guilt for having this work so quickly and of course a deep sense of how lucky I am to have it work (so far) so soon. This guilt and surprise is complex. It includes anger and confusion, and to be honest, a bitterness that there are women out there who have been working so hard who I feel deserve this more than me. At this point, I am just trying to understand that yes, I am pregnant, and am trying to take it day by day. The fear of miscarriage is obviously in my mind, but I am trying to focus and visualize the success of the embryo, it keeping calm and carrying on...

I also in a way have been (and this may sound really strange) trying to not think about it too much. I realize that in my life, I have often suffered due to over-thinking things, instead of relaxing and letting things happen as they will. If I really let myself go there with the reality of this, I feel like I might freak out mentally. So. I've been trying to just breathe, stay calm, positive, and relaxed. So far this approach has been working.

Also included in the irony of this whole situation, I am now faced with a pregnancy that I had presumed wouldn't be a reality for approximately another six months! Don't get my wrong, I am in no way complaining or ungrateful for this gift of getting pregnant on the first try. I am simply shocked and feeling a little under-prepared for this, as I assumed it would take a few months at least for this to happen. It's a bit of a shock to realize that while your planning on leisurely trying to get pregnant for six months or so..BAMN you're good to go on your first try. As my friend would say.....crazytown. Now comes all the re-planning of our lives :)

So the story. How has this all gone down in the last couple of weeks. I will keep this short, but hopefully give you the whole story.

About 7 days ago, I noticed that my breasts were feeling particularly sore. Also, I started noticing my lower back on both the right and left sides was aching. I felt these symptoms during the day but they really started hurting at night. By 11DPO, my breasts were so enlarged and sore that I would've had a really hard time explaining those symptoms away if I turned out to not be pregnant. Chefy and i talked about pshycosymatic symptoms, but that seemed like the only way (besides pregnancy) to explain what was happening to my body. I researched early symptoms and a lot of folks tell you that you can't feel much during the first two weeks. I am now a firm believer that YOU MAY KNOW early on if you are having symptoms that you suspect. I'm not going to say I had a women's intuition about being pregnant, my body was simply changing, and it was hard to ignore. Anyway..

So on 12DPO, I took a test in the AM, and it was positive. I've taken three so far, all positive. I still kind of can't believe it. Chefy and I cried and generally freaked out for a while, and then I called my mom at work. She of course freaked out as well. I went to work and when I came home that night I called my dad and the three of us talked (my parents are together). They couldn't be more supportive. My dad is very cautious and kept warning me that it might not work out (my mom lost a baby during birth), which is good to remember. My mother of course was telling him to be quiet and trying all she could to not go on the internet and start buying baby stuff. They are very different in their support, but lovely all the same.

So my parents, one good friend, my OB, and all you amazing friends here are the only people that know so far. I called my OB yesterday and set up an appointment for 8 weeks. She was lovely and encouraging, and told me to take it easy for the next few weeks to let "nature run its course." I will be trying to follow her advice. Both she and my mom (who is a pediatrician) agreed that bloodwork wasn't necessary to confirm pregnancy, and that I shouldn't need to be seen until about 8 weeks.

Chefy has been incredible. She has been taking care of me, feeding me, coddling me, loving me, and just being a wonderful wife. I couldn't have asked for better.

From here I am just going to treasure this experience as it comes, enjoy each day, relax and let my body do its thing, and educate myself as much as I can in the coming weeks.

And of course you bloggers in many ways have been the biggest support for me. I can't thank you enough for all of your happiness and congratulatory messages sent my way. I feel the love, and I am truly thankful for it.