I re-read my last post on our first two insems, and I feel silly. Not for my wishful thinking, but for all the confidence I portrayed. Silly Libby, how over eager you were. Don't get me wrong, I still think our timing was okay (we will find out soon enough, now won't we), but I have to admit that the 2 days following our second insem (which was in the morning), my temperature didn't go up to confirm ovulation, it WENT DOWN. FOR TWO DAYS. Craptastic. Shitballs. Fuckville. Only on CD 17 did it spike up 1.3 degrees, two full days after the last insem. That's 48 whole hours. So. What can you do? Nothing, absolutely nada. There you have it.
One of the few consolations I have is that now this is completely out of my hands. What a huge relief to know that you have done everything you can in order to make those crazy sperm meet your beautiful full egg, and once those insems are done, all you have to do it sit back, relax, and think good thoughts. This alone makes me feel happy. Oh, and the idea that if this doesn't work...I get to have a glass of wine (!) at some point. So it's either wine or pregnant. Either way I figure I'm winning.
I am passing the TWW so far, fairly easily. We've been crazy busy at work, which keeps me distracted, and PooMan's 9th birthday is this week, so we're busy with those celebrations. I have been of course kind of obsessing about listening to each and every twinge my body lets me in on. These have amounted to a fair amount of back pain in the afternoons and more tender breasts than normal. My lower stomach was a bit crampy for two days after the IUI as well, but I figure that's normal. My dreams are all about sperm and babies and inseminations. My appetite also has gone through the roof, especially at night. Who knows what it all means...maybe I'm just letting myself relax and eat and be comfy during this time in order to prepare myself for whatever happens. Either way we will know in about 9 days, and thank you lovely bloggers for all your messages of luck and well wishes. Your encouragement has meant a lot to me. So much. So thank you.
oh and to explain the title...this is an old spiritual that i sang once in a childrens choir I was in. For some reason it just popped into my head..not sure why but it feels useful now.
12 years ago
Temping can be a total mindfuck sometimes. As can all of ttc, for that matter. Good luck waiting out the rest of the tww--sounds like you've got some good distractions!
ReplyDeleteWe should start a support group. Second-guessers Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteThis month, for the first time, I didn't get drunk at home the night I found out I wasn't pregnant. Wonder what that means?
I did, however, have a couple drinks on Friday night over the span of like 4 hours. It was a calculated ploy designed as an attempt to tempt fate, but it did not work.
Yes, completely out of your hands - that's my consolation too. Good luck on your wait - I hope it's not too crazy-making. And remember that those temperatures can be very fickle!
ReplyDeleteDon't worry to much about the timing, even the BEST timed insem can go wayward and who knows, you could have hit it perfectly. I find that some cycles, my temps dont rise for a few days as it takes a while for the progesterone to kick-in.
ReplyDeleteHere's to a zen rest of your TWW -- It sounds like we might find out around the same time!
Sounds like your have a great outlook on your wait. You're right, you did everything you could and now it's just up to nature. :) Keep up those distractions and watch the days go by!
ReplyDeleteI sang that song in chorus too!
ReplyDeleteYou may have seen me write this elsewhere on the blogs, but I had to stop temping because the second-guessing made me absolutely batty. (And as I've written before, I don't think this is the right advice for everyone, but I'm pretty sure it was the right advice for me.) You are right: at a certain point you have to believe you did everything you could and just have faith that that is good enough. I hope the end of the TWW zips by and ends with happiness!
Honestly, I think temping is one of the least reliable ways to chart ovulation. Your temp can be thrown out of whack by something as simple as getting out of bed to pee an extra time during the night. It sounds like all of your other ovulation signs were spot on.
ReplyDelete